THE OAKLAND SINGLE PARENTS' NETWORK

OSPN members share their perspective on all things related to single parenthood here.

My Thoughts On Court Ordered Visitation by T.

Children shouldn’t be traumatized so that the Court can meet a standard. Children, no matter the age, should be treated as individuals, not a standard. They have feelings, they have rights. Standards don’t apply to an individual child, PERIOD!

I talked to my lawyer today. She told me that all the behaviors my son is displaying is “normal,” it’s “separation anxiety.” I have a master’s degree in social work, I’ve worked for CPS, I’ve also helped to raise children other than my son. I’ve seen normal “separation anxiety” and I’ve seen “trauma”. I know my son.

I know my situation. My son is showing clear signs of trauma that are not letting up. I offered his father plenty of opportunities to have extra time with our son, including overnights. He had NO interest, NONE. I offered him several opportunities, he declined all of them. He had his life, I left him alone so that I could focus on my life and our son.

What ended up happening is I got tired of his emotional abuse, bullying, yelling at my mother and me, so I got the Court involved. What do I think now, BIG MISTAKE! The Court has done nothing but give an abusive man power that he didn’t deserve.

This is a man who willingly decreased time with his son so he could have more time to party and have more time for his girlfriend. I supported him, not because I wanted him, but because I wanted my son to have his father and I wanted his father to leave me the hell alone. I just wanted him to leave me alone so I could raise our son while maintaining my own life.

Getting the Court involved has done nothing.  Once the Court got involved and the father decided he wanted extra time, what happened, he got it. Why? Because of an ignorant standard that has no place in the Court.

I repeat, children are individuals and each case should be treated individually. If a child is doing fine with the Primary Caregiver, then that child should have a chance to maintain that schedule. I do believe in both parents being involved, I used to be a “father’s rights advocate.” A child should not be traumatized by having court ordered visitation so the non-custodial parent can pay less money. A child’s rights needs to be considered FIRST and FOREMOST in ANY decision!

-OSPN member T.

5/18/2010

        

You are not alone. Why should you live like you are?

        

Single Parents' Day is upon us - March 21. Ever since 1998 Congress has decided to pay homage - or persuade online greeting card providers to create "Happy Single Parent Day" messages for 50% of us doing it on our own. Gag.

While I know a vast number of elite late thirty somethings may have chosen insemination to cure their baby blues, I did not. I know I like to feel empowered and everything for being a single mom - but seriously don't send me a "Happy Single Parents' Day" card. Please just don't even bring up the fact that my kids' father is derelict in his duties towards them or of the abuse we go through from everyone from employers who won't hire single parents to the family law system, to the ex himself.

I'm all for raising awareness about single parenthood - if it is conducive to people feeling less isolated in it. But on a very personal level - if you want to do something nice for me - offer to take my kids out for an evening so I can have a break.

        

So, you have found your way to The Oakland Single Parents' Network's (OSPN's) blog!  Welcome! 
Now that you've landed, please make yourself home. And comfy. This blog belongs in part to you. So please - share your ideas, humor and needs with your new found friends. After all, we are not alone and are no longer living like we are!!!

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